Lost.
Stressed.
Alone.
Why do people never behave like what they are supposed to? I know I'm more fortunate than many others in my family but still, it is just so tiring to have to be the one pretending nonchalance yet thinking of ways to keep the entire fam together, not to mention solving the various probs for everyone. I don't mind doing all these but it is just so draining. Why are my parents who are supposed to solve probs for me the ones giving me the most probs, and what's worse, I've to solve proba which I am not supposed to have known abt yet. I am so so tired of all these yet I have no way to get rid of all these negative feelings.
I am tired of pretending to be hyper and crazy and trying to get the entire family to go out only to keep facing cold rejects, complaints of tiredness yet having the energy to do so much for others who are just shaking their legs waiting for others to do things for them. When will my voice ever be heard? Must it be till it's too late for regrets before anyone hears me?
I know I have lots to do and I do want to start clearing my stuff, unpack the boxes and tidy my room but I just can't. Endless outings. Unforeseen commitments, sense of guilt. I have no time left. I wish I could just let go of everything too and simply stay home but unfortunately, I don't hv the luxury of doing so. If only my sense of guilt and conscience doesn't choose this time to be functioning.
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