消失

若我从地球表面消失，
会有人知，有人在乎吗？
到底多久以后才会有人想起我的存在？
还有，多久以后我的记忆就会从大家脑海中消失?

我真的很累，很累，很累了。
家人的问题，朋友的期望，无数的责任
我快被压得喘不过气了

迷失了自己
过着行尸走肉般的生活
看着眼前的事物在变化
却毫无招架之力去阻挡这一切发生

i am in a diving bell
suffocating in my own world

我需要时间冷静冷静
离开这一切
冷静地思考。
其实，
让脑筋放空也不错
至少让我有喘口气的空间
找回坚持下去的理由

因为，
我知道自己距离崩溃的边缘
其实只剩一线之差

I am not as strong as what you believe

Lost.
Stressed.
Alone.

Why do people never behave like what they are supposed to? I know I'm more fortunate than many others in my family but still, it is just so tiring to have to be the one pretending nonchalance yet thinking of ways to keep the entire fam together, not to mention solving the various probs for everyone. I don't mind doing all these but it is just so draining. Why are my parents who are supposed to solve probs for me the ones giving me the most probs, and what's worse, I've to solve proba which I am not supposed to have known abt yet. I am so so tired of all these yet I have no way to get rid of all these negative feelings.

I am tired of pretending to be hyper and crazy and trying to get the entire family to go out only to keep facing cold rejects, complaints of tiredness yet having the energy to do so much for others who are just shaking their legs waiting for others to do things for them. When will my voice ever be heard? Must it be till it's too late for regrets before anyone hears me?

I know I have lots to do and I do want to start clearing my stuff, unpack the boxes and tidy my room but I just can't. Endless outings. Unforeseen commitments, sense of guilt. I have no time left. I wish I could just let go of everything too and simply stay home but unfortunately, I don't hv the luxury of doing so. If only my sense of guilt and conscience doesn't choose this time to be functioning.

无奈的心情

既然你不想理我，
那么当初为何还要来扰乱我已静止的心呢？

本已经让自己不再在乎，
习惯没有你的生活，
你却还要来闯进我的世界。

与其如此藕断丝连
为何不干脆一点
痛快的斩断这份残留的感情。
至少这样，我能放开过去，
放弃一切
走向人生的新一段旅程。

我不想再为这份友谊多付出一滴点感情。

我累了。
既没有多余的精力，也厌倦了如此的生活。
不过我并不会像以往那样想不开。
至少现在，我缺乏这么做的勇气与动力。
或许我也在成长吧。
学习如何淡然面对周遭的事物，
将一切看开。