random ramblings + possibility of mood swing

im seriously just going to collapse from either exhaustion/frustration/lack of sleep one of these days, most probably before blocks. this might just be one of my mood swings again i dont know but whatever it is, i feel that i've wasted my whole hols doing crap and not spending it wisely.

my revision are screwed up BADLY, meaning barely started on it, my pw is dying like dont what because im such an irresponsible group leader who has yet to inform my group members on what they are supposed to do. but thing now is, im a sucky person who dont understand the focus of the project and how it's going to continue. how in the world am i supposed to think of what needs to be done and allocate the jobs in that case?

i realise i suck. nevermind.

BLOCKS!

quick update before im off for more mugging. im so so so screwed! have barely started on my revision and hols are already coming to an end. dunno but my hols just seemed to be crammed with useless stuff. or perhaps it's just me who's still slacking. who knows.

whatever it is, i need to find my drive back! mug!! gahh someone please motivate me to study instead of slacking around after less than 5 mins of attempted studying. im in desperate need of tutors now.. :(

2 wks are looking as though they'll pass damn fast and there's still PW!! argh im so dead! =( at this rate i probably wun even live to see my bdae. :(

七彩世界黯淡了

学着独立起来

尽管百般的不愿意但又如何？这，应该是人生中必经历的一段吧？

我想我应该是个容易被人遗忘的人。。即使遍体鳞伤也无人在乎，生活还真是可悲。

算了，现在说这些又有什么用？一切都已不再重要了。唯一能做的应该只有咬紧牙关，熬过这一切吧。不过，纸上谈兵果真比实际行动来的容易多。

我想，我真的已经累了。累到无力去整理自己乱七八糟的生活，无力去调理自己复杂的心情。对周遭的一切漠不关心，甚至是倍感反感，相信这应该不是原来的我吧？是我改变了还是这一切都只是因为我在闹脾气呢？

我也不知道。

算了，说再多又能如何？还不是依旧改变不了自己微不足道的事实。反正大哭大闹都不能解决问题，生闷气也无人会过问。与其做这些伤害自己的事情，还倒不如放下一切，自己一人过着宁静的生活。

我想我是真的厌倦永远被排放在第二位置的感觉了。所以，我一定会学着独立，试着坚强的。

一个人的世界虽寂寞、灰暗，但我却已无力再次忍受被遗忘的伤痛。破碎了的心不论怎么修补，曾经有过的裂痕是永远都抹篾不掉的。

就这么最后一次，让不听话的眼睛再任性一次吧。


累坏了，
伤透了，
心，也碎了。